hiatus

sorry. but i’ve removed a good portion of this blog.

i like kpop, but i’ve got new focus i need to better.

so, if you’ve stumbled upon this site because of ‘JAY PARK HAIR’ i’m sorry, but it’s removed.

please feel free to do what i was doing before~~

and when things get clear, maybe i’ll be back.

as for now i’ve only left a few blogs, just as memories for myself.

thank you to all the internet traffic stumble upon-ers to this site ^^

byeeeeeeee~~

cancelled

dear readers and whoever views my wordpress everyday

i’m sorry to inform you that i really hoped that my first post back on this site would be filled with fancams and fanpics and the world’s craziest fanaccount for Jay Park’s fanmeet in Taiwan.

also i was excited to have my very own fan pictures of Jay Park Hair to add to my page for the viewers. but i’m sorry. the fanmeet has been cancelled and i, mb, will not be seeing Jay Park this sunday. and probably never will get the chance to. T_________________T

the fanmeets hosted by BBH seem to have all been cancelled and no postponed dates have been put up yet. i am very sad. i bought this fanmeet ticket three days before it came out…

i of course will update when there is happy news of a rescheduled date. otherwise i’ll post about my anger if it’s just cancelled….

byeyum

and <3 from a sad fangirl in taiwan~

jay park is a man

jay park is on an airplane off to korea where he will be filming for hype nation. and i am just stunned in a a warm-hearted way. the boy is a man now. i guess he’s been a man for some time but now he is revealing to us that Jay Park is a man. there are many different meanings when i say ‘a man’ but the one i want to point out is the one that wrote this letter.

Before I move on to a new chapter in my life, I want to just say some things and put my past to rest.

First off, I’d like to apologize to all the fans and to 2pm for putting you guys through so much emotionally and mentally since last September. I’m sorry it had to come to a situation where we couldn’t be together and I want everyone to know that I have nothing but love and support towards 2pm. Whether you like them or not they are good kids who work hard and I don’t think anyone should take anything away from them. I also wish the fans wouldn’t fight and everyone can just get along and move on. Life is too short to be angry, and there are too many negative things in the world happening and to add to all that negativity is something I don’t want.

I understand that this might not be the answer to what some of you are looking for but to touch the subject again will mean hurting people that I do care about, be it fans, friends, ex colleagues, loved ones and I just don’t think its fair to activate another roller coaster ride just when everyone is starting their healing process and moving on. As long as I am in the clear with God, my family and my fans, it is sufficient for me.

Also I would like to add that I was once young and naive and said some things that got blown out of context but would like to add that I am proud to be Korean, I love Korea, my parents are Korean, and where ever I go, whatever I do, I will try to the best of my ability to represent Korea well. Last but not least I would like to thank my fans, you guys are the reason I am doing this now, every opportunity from now on that gets presented to me is all thanks to you guys and I’m trying to make you guys proud and I love you guys!

Thank you so much and I just hope everything from now on can be positive and that I can influence peoples’ lives in a positive way.

I’m heading for Korea in a couple of hours and hope to see you all!
Love and Peace,
Jay

this message was just posted up by jay on his new official site:  JAY PARK OFFICIAL SITE. there is also a korean message to korean fans.

i’ve been following this painful event since day one. i even cried reading JYP’s official leader about jaebum. 2PM has become one of my favorite kpop idols because of jay and even without jay. i’m really glad how much positive light is coming back from those emotional and dark days. we need to move on. the wounds are healing. yes, he’s coming back to korea after nine months. yes, many people are going to try and dig at this again. and yes, we must be strong and support jay. and most of all yes, we must trust jay.

jay park, the jay walkers are watching your back. <3

now on a lighter note! here are the most recent videos that jay has posted up~ with more dorkiness that we just love!

good luck filming jay!

2PM @ HOB anaheim FANACCOUNT [complete]

WARNING: VERY LONG!!! ^^

[all photos credited to me except where tagged. & *click on pics for larger/HQ vers.]

Wow….

So I went to the Wondergirls 2010 world tour featuring 2PM at the Anaheim House of Blues. I never thought I’d be able to see 2PM so soon again or any other kpop groups after KMF…I’m really happy :]

here is my hottest fan account…[please excuse the weird fangirl language and English errors. It’s hard to type well kuz I’m still spazzing when I think about it…]

So joyce came to my house at 10am and from there we left for downtown Disney.  We also went to buy a big bag of Swedish fish. We arrived at HOB around 11 and went to the box office to buy Minnie’s ticket. Hehe  yay! So joyce and I were probably the second group that arrived. There was a group of VIPs there already and then just us. So we sat there and ate our lunch and wrote on our Swedish fish bag. We waited until about 12pm they started to set up the general admission line. Joyce and I were FIRST! chhhYeahhh go ussssss~ ^^

Ok so like an hour or two passed and we sat on the floor and more people had started to arrive. And then all of a sudden this girl from the stairs shouted something in Korean…and we looked up and OMG it was CHANSUNG! AAAHHH seriously…I FREAKED. I yelled ‘OMG IT’S CHANSUNG. YOU GUYS IT’S CHANSUNG!!’ hhahaha I was spazzing, trying to stand up, and trying to grab my camera at the same time. And it was so crazy. I stood up and I couldn’t move my feet to go closer at all. So weird. I was stuck but I took out my camera somehow. And then OMG again this strange familiar person walks right in front of us…and it was WOOYOUNG! AAAAHHHH! I freaked taking few pictures and like just getting super jinglyy. Wooyoung was going up the stairs and Chansung was going to shop in downtown with some noonas. Wooyoung was wearing a white t-shirt and rolled up jeans and he had a brown purse/satchel. Chansung was wearing a bright red cap, gray print shirt and black pants. Hahahhaahaa I was so happy. I just kept standing there in line. We didn’t bother to chase after chansung. i was close enough to take a few pictures without any need to zoom. and wooyoung didn’t respond to our calls to him…but after that I was on my feet and my heart was pumping like crazy. I couldn’t calm down. I felt so weird…yet so happy at the same time ^^ LOL. I was really worked up that I purposely decided to take my stuff back to my car in the parking lot to walk it off. It helped a lot. I really couldn’t keep my cool kuz I was just too amazed that I just saw them like 10 feet away from me…OMG. LIFESIZE. Not on my computer screen. But in REAL LIFE. [sorry for so many words]

Finally I was able to sit down and we knew that channie magnae would be back kkkkk~ so a little later, we spot a red cap quickly walking away from the HOB and people we saying it’s chansung. I stood up and thought that he was going to the other shops in downtown..but then…it turns out he was purposely making a trip away from the line of girls at the other entrance. So one of the girls next to us took their gift and ran after him as he was coming toward us. I was taking pictures…and then Chansung started to run when fans were coming and so did the noona coordinator. Hehehe…he bolted away up the stairs~ the noona tripped…felt bad :/ since joyce and I were first in line I was yelling “Run Run Run chansung! Faster!” LOL. Girls were screaming. Haha I think Joyce’s fancam has me yelling [I’ll post that here when she uploads ^^] these were my most memorable memories for the day. Because we actually saw 2pm in the ‘wild/natural habitat’ and not in the ‘zoo/stage/youtube’ LOL. I’m weird…



vid cred: xhijoycex youtube

Ok so then we waited around more and we decided to go around back and give our Swedish fish which turned into super epic FAIL and get scolded…joyce and I went to went to the door and stood there and waited for someone to come along, this girl comes and we nicely ask her to give them the candy…and then this white man comes and says they’re not allowed to and tells us to get out and we should know better. HELLO! We were good enough to wait there and not go wandering around. We wanted THEM to take the candy to 2PM not us… bleh stupid house of blues staff :p they even had the door closed after us and closed the gate too. Oops. That was supposed to be easy access for the staff people with passes but me and joyce set a bad example and so they shut it up.

eh.hehehehhe.

[btw we ended up eating the candy...]

So we left and told the girls next to us about our failure and complained..  Around 2:30, we saw a crowd of people and people taking pictures and it turns out to be awesome cool hair wondergirl YOOBIN ^^ she’s so small and super skinny. She was walking with I think Chance?. And I’m not a wonderful but when she walked by the line, she stopped and I was waving and saying hi and she even said hi back! Wow~ she’s so cool and nice enough to say hi to us ^^ yea so kuz of me and joyce, the backdoor entrance was locked so they had to take the stairs..oops. yea and yoobin is cool and it makes me like wondergirls more just kuz she stopped to greet us~~ yeeeeee

Then there was lots of screaming later. WOOYOUNG had come out. He was on the top and coming out to take selcas. And he was waving out to the crowd. There was a HUGE mass of girls standing and screaming. Bypassers were taking pictures and freaking out.  Hehe. So we saw him again~but we didn’t get out of line to get better pictures.

After this there was only I think sunye? that was walking around. I saw her and thought she was an ulzzang coming to get in line…but then she walked toward the back entrance…and we’re like OH that’s a wondergirl~ ^^ other than that, there were no more idol sightings. [except I’m reading fanaccounts that say junsu came out but hid right away] so we waited a long time. Also my friend Minnie arrived during that time ^^ by then the line was starting to get longer with more and more people. There was lots of fangirl chatter going on. Hehe fangirl talk is so weird…we are weird. Lol

finally they let the VIP line in at like 5:40 and everyone in general admission was jealous and started yelling i hate you and stuff. but only for a bit. ^^ so we waited another 2hours for our turn to go in. and so the special line went in next and then finally! We were going in! ^^ I was really excited. Me joyce and Minnie were the first in line~~ we got in and there was already a lot of people on the floor. But no matter. We went to get our spot on the left side of the stage. We were near the middle on the very left side first.

The wait wasn’t that long actually. Unlike most shows I go to there’s a lot of wait time for the bands to set up but for the pop shows they’re different kuz there’s no equipment aside from microphones. So the first act was a girl named Tiffany from New York. She was good but her voice wasn’t special to me. But I wish her good luck for the future in the music industry.

Yea. And this is what you’re waiting for. So right after she leaves…2PM comes out!! Omg. The crowd went WILD! They haven’t even started the music but their presence brought on loads and loads of screams. They got together to kick off with “Without U”
my fancam:

i love this song. especially when wooyoungie sings the bridge part <333333 and the image of Junsu and his hotness singing “i’m gonna be ok” play over and over in my mind…

Afterwards they performed “Hate You” which I sadly did not record but tried to take unsuccessful pictures…sorry. I should have recorded instead.

So after they paused to drink some water and did member introductions. I absolutely loved the TaecKhun action in the beginning. Taec was talking and Khun took a drink from the water bottle and without saying anything just handed it to Taec almose saying “Here, it’s my saliva” LOL. I know it’s not like that but I just imagine it like that. Lol sick minded fangirl…so I recorded them talking but I can’t help but remember how amazingly GORGEOUS they all were. I have to say that pictures of them are nothing compared to seeing the live beings…earlier Joyce told me that a fanaccount mentioned that Nickhun glows and I laughed it off like whatever. But omg, on stage, Khun glows like seriously. He just glows. I don’t know how to explain it but he just does it when you see him. I have to say I couldn’t really take my eyes off Junho. That boy is just steaming off a whole bunch of spunk even though he’s mad tired. I think part of it has to do with his hair, kuz I absolutely love his hair! but he’s just really good looking in real life. Junsu is hot as usual. And sadly everytime I was trying to get pictures of junsu they came out blurry :[ wooyoung and chansung are mad adorable looking. Wooyoung is just SOOO cute. I know I prefer the fierce version of wooyoung but in real life he’s just ADORABLE!! Hehe and the big magnae chansung is just soooo cute on stage~ AAHHHHHHHH!! Lovuuu!!!! And yes I can’t forget most beast Taec. He did a lot of speaking and he IS very big. He’s fits the word beast’s description. The best picture I took is of Taecyeon when really I was trying to get a picture of junsu. But anyways, those are just a glimpse of my spazztic thoughts on seeing 2PM.

Junsu cred:Joyce

[Junsu -best picture that Joyce was able to get]

Ok after intros they performed “Heartbeat” and “Again & Again” and I was able to get A LOT closer. Somehow the crowd just paved a big open spot for me to just walk in. you can notice that most of my fancams the sea of cameras become less because somehow I got closer. ^^ happyyy . I cut the video short for AAA to take a picture of the end pose. Sorry…of course they still had jay’s part cut out for the chorus and I was still disappointed. Also, I just LOVED Khun’s ending to heartbeat. He just grabs magnae and says come here and RIP! Hahaha <3333333 so much <3333

After this they paused to speak more. And I didn’t record it but the crowd was going wild because taec was talking about their future plans to come here. YES. Taec said that they were going to have a tour in the US also. It came from his mouth. Also, it was so sweet that Junho disrupted and told us to stop and be careful because the crowd was getting really wild and pushing. [I’ll find a fancam of it] ahhhhh <3 spunk butt boy ^^

cred: youtube playecfan5244

taec-best pic i took that night while really tryin to snap junsu

Ok so I was gawking and taking pictures and then they performed their last song “10points out of 10” this was my favorite performance of the night. Unlike the more serious tones of the other songs, this was just more fun and crowd engaging. The boys were having a lot of fun and smiling ^^ and I was really happy hehehe. I loved the emphasis on Junho’s butt~~hehe and also part of my fancam get’s a little part of Khun doing some Kara’s mister butt dance. Hehe fanservice… the ending also, junho was super epic awesome cool and cute all at one time! OMG and my camera doesn’t do a good job of capturing it, but someone threw a pink thing at Junho and it hit him and he pretended like it hurt really bad and went down and then Chansung grabbed him up right away! LOL ChanHo!!! <3 ^^ also i LOVED junho’s singing during this song~~ he’s got a great voice!

Ahhhhhh…so time was up for them and they said goodbye. IT WAS TOO SHORT! The crowd wanted more! I will miss their smiles and stage presence very much. Live performance is just 100000000000000000 times better~~~~~ Thank you 2PM for coming to Anaheim! Please be back here when I come back from Taiwan!! <33

so, joyce and i did wait after the show for 2PM to come out. but we assume that they went straight back because taec had to be back for family outing and they prolly also needed to fly up to san fran which they arrived pretty early the next day. so all our waiting had some good though. One of the staff gave us a free wondergirls poster and two wondergirls glowsticks ^^ and you know what was best of all??? FREE PARKING! because we were at downtown so late we expected to pay $30 but the booths were closed and so we didn’t have to pay! OMG! hehe so we did have some good karma and bad~ yay!! <3

[i will post some videos and pictures of wondergirls later~ sorry wonderfuls. but i did get GOOD pictures]

Leadja’s Resignation

2PM lost its minute forever since this morning…

2AM2PM LOVE

T_T  i’m so happy to hear that jokwon sheds tears for leadja also…because i do all the time. it makes me sad/happy that they seriously are constantly thinking about jay

Jaebeom’s departure still upsets Jo Kwon.

Earlier last week, 2AM member Jinwoon expressed his feelings toward former 2PM leader Jaebeom during the midst of their comeback. This time, it was Jo Kwon’s turn to spill his heart out.

After winning for the first time since his debut, Jo Kwon was completely overwhelmed with emotion on the Inkigayo stage. His tears were the topic of discussion on a recent episode of Infinity Girls. The leader of 2AM shed tears during one of the parody performances on the show and continued to cry even after filming concluded.

When asked about the reason behind them, he replied, “Tears flow down from my face whenever I think of things like the eight long years I spent as a trainee, the period of time I was diagnosed with swine flu, or Jaebeom’s departure from 2PM. Whenever I hear his music, I become overwhelmed and sad.”

Jo Kwon is often regarded as a gagman in the industry, always full of smiles and jokes that never fail to break the crowd into fits of laughter. Despite his public image, Jo Kwon still displays a sensitive and emotional persona. He certainly is not alone with his sadness; many fangirls worldwide would be much happier if the 2PM leader came back, but for now, we’ll just have to wait patiently and listen to his old tracks fondly.

CRED: ALLKPOP.COM

[tw.cyworld/mbmb/diary] No. 19 I AM HEART BROKEN FOREVER………….

dec2009 update:

date: August 18, 2009 17:30

To: My American Heart

dear jesse, larry, dustin, jake, and nick [and steven, and matt on the side]

hi. my name is bonita. and i really really really just want to say thank you guys SO MUCH SO MUCH for being my american heart. i seriously love LOVE you guys and your music with all my heart. and sorry, this is kind of long…

well apparently my american heart is no more..

so i’ve actually been abroad in taiwan for two months with little access to internet..and today i just had a gut feeling to go online and check mahfans.com if you’d posted any supposed august acoustic tourdates and i felt really lame seeing linda’s sad update one month later. and yea. i’m a little devastated and heartbroken because my american heart is my all time favorite band.

i started listening to your guys’ stuff on purevolume like 2004 when i was in junior high and then i got serious in 2005..and since then i’ve seen my american heart thirteen times live. after watching my first mah show, you guys became my favorite band forever. whenever there’s a show nearby i buy tickets immeadiately. whenever people ask what i like to listen to, i say my american heart. i own two copies of themeaninginmakeup because my first copy skips all over the place from listening to it too much. i own ten mah shirts from shows i’ve been to. i blast your music in my car and can’t get enough of it. one time i stopped driving in the middle of the road because i thought i saw larry in the car next to me. i made my friends all like mah at one point. and i also converted my dad to love to sing your songs and go to your shows.

i don’t think of myself as just a fan/fanatic. i really love mah because of your musicianship. i always tell people that i’ve never heard anything that sounds like mah. [or maybe i haven't listened to enough bands hah] guitar, drum, bass, vox are always amazing amazing. it’s not just good sounding but somehow all your music just comes together to be something great and connecting…it’s just different. and also you guys first and foremost are amazing stage performers. i’ve been to a ton of shows and i think of all the shows i’ve been to the mah ones are the best, especially at chain reaction. and i’d have to say that mah music live is way better than the already amazing recorded version. [maybe you wanna put out a live record..]

i’m gonna miss you guys on stage the most. but i’ll always be listening to your music all the time. and of course i’ll follow up on your new music projects.

there’s alot more i want to say but this would turn into a book. so thanks for reading my very long and boring history of listening to my american heart. if you didn’t read it all, it’s okay.  you’re probably getting a lot of these messages. i just really want to let you all know how much appreciation, love, and missing you’re getting from just one person and then multiply that for the millions of people that also feel the same.

thank you my american heart. thank you for making music and being a part of my life that i’m glad i live for.

lots of love

mbonita

approx. 2009JULY10 from the desk of jesse barrera

Yesterday I announced my departure from My American Heart and many of you have been questioning why I left. First off, I just want to say that it was nothing personal. I love all the guys in the band. They are and will always be my brothers. I hope nothing but the best for them in the future and all of their endeavors.

I’ve spent over 6 years of my life dedicated to this group. Have played probably close to 1000 shows and have seen the world. We started out as just a group of guys who wanted to make music and fit in socially at school. But it sparked into something bigger than I could have ever imagined and am so thankful for the blessing of playing with such talented musicians through the years and being able to see places many people don’t get a chance to see in their entire lifetime.

We signed to a record label called Warcon records which was, in the beginning, owned by Warped Tour founder Kevin Lyman. We were all about sixteen years old, naive and really excited when we signed. I was just excited over the fact that I could have a record in stores and not do school for a couple years. The years went on and we put out a couple records that weren’t promoted as much as I would like. Both records only sold a combined estimate of probably 60,000 copies… Sadly.

Eventually, Kevin had lost interest and a bunch of new positions at the label were being filled by other people who we didn’t even know or had even heard of. Kevin then resigned from working there and supporting it. Which left me to believe that we weren’t going to get what we signed on for.

Recently the label had spent more money than they initially wanted to and weren’t making enough to keep going. So they decided to fold and it left us in the most horrible predicament you possibly think of. We were signed to a label that didn’t even exist. This had happened at the end of last year and led to the insane amount of time at home. We were hoping to get bought out somehow but the owner of the label wanted an insane amount of money. We even got an offer from another label that was basically… Laughed at.

During all the downtime, I spent most of this time writing songs for myself because it’s basically what I do. Songwriting has always been my passion. It’s what I live for and what I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s what I’ll continue to be doing from here on out as well as starting to produce and finding a new project to play for.

The past few months I had so much time to think of the industry and how much it has changed. How much talent, sometimes, can only get you so far … That the saying, being in the right place at the right time is so true. That labels and managers can make or break your career, no matter how good you are and no matter how much you believe in yourself and the group you play in. That iPod samplers can make a bigger impact on kids than a 5 piece rock band. It is beyond depressing and has taken a huge toll on me and my outlook on music.

I am leaving because I feel like my future is out of my control. I have always felt that I couldn’t do anymore than write songs and hope that the person I hand it to could make something happen with it. It’s always been a gamble. That’s how this industry works. You never know what hand you’re going to be dealt.

For those of you who followed me on the journey ?Thank you from the bottom of my heart. To everyone who has let us stay in their homes and sleep on their living room floors. Thanks to the people who cooked breakfast for us before a 6 hour drive. To the people who drove 10 hours just to see us play and wait 5 hours in the sun because they couldn’t drive and had their parents drop them off at the venue. Thanks to everyone who screamed our lyrics back into my face. To everyone who waited in line to see us. To everyone who burned a copy of our CD and gave it to a friend. Thank you. It is all of you who kept me going and I am forever grateful for your support and friendship.

I will continue writing music for all of you. We will also be playing a couple final shows in California. Larry and I are planning to continue writing together and will probably form a new music outlet that will sound a little different in the future. Thanks for everything. I love you guys.

10/6/2007 7:07 AM

To: mbonita

dear mbonita

thank you so much for appreciating us.

we appreciate you.

please keep positive. a live your life to the fullest.

we’ll see you next time at chain. come say hi to us.

From: mbonita

Date: Oct 3, 2007 8:46 PM

dear mah,

i have to admit that listening to your music and going to shows is really all i live for. i LOVE you guys. it’s kinda sad and i wish i had something better to do with my life. but you guys are everything and helped me out so much.

and, everyday i think about dancing to dustin’s basslines, twisting to steven’s drums, rocking out to jesse and matt’s riffs, and singing every line with larry at a show. and it makes me smile and happy.

but why is it so hard to be happy now? and how come i was able to agree with and listen to my parents and be happy all the time? now i can’t. how come now, they hate me for listening to you guys? how come i can’t just be the person i want to be and love what i want to love? how come everytime i think about you guys i get sad? how come whenever i think about ending my life, i think of mah and decide i better not, just so i can go see another show..?

i hope you get this

and thanks a bunch

hope to see you at chainreaction sometime

lots of love,

mbonita